oct 24 2009 cont.

I dont know where this came from but I wrote it in a forum on Flylady.com and wanted to share with you what I wrote I poured my heart out.
Hi there , I pray that this is gonna get me out of a rut. I am being a stay at home wife(no kids) for the first time ever and I am about to turn 35 this month and have worked every since I was 13(working in tobacco) This is really hard. All this time working I have imagined all the things I could do from, arts & crafts keeping a clean house having supper cooked and so on and all I have been doing his the bare essentials . cook,wash dishes, laundy and keeping things picked up, oh yeah and I make our bed everyday for the first time in my life. I need more though, Inbetween the times of doing those things I am depressed what is my purpose in life. Why can't I be that woman I have imagined. To be totally honest I have never completed anything. High school , got my GED I have had more jobs than I can count the longest I ever stayed at 1 employer was 3 years and that was with Lowes home improvement. The second longest was a 911 dispatcher and I have started 3 businesses and I got bored with them, or it got too stressful or I got tired. I have went to college for cosmetology, nail tech, graphic design, tried to get my associates degree for criminal justice, Did I complete any listed , NO. Grrr. I hate that about me. I even can't finish being pregnant. I have had 3 miscarriages the longest I carried was 5 months that was the worst experience of my life. I even went to therapy for all these things and guess what I didn't finish it either I went long enough for them to tell me that I have ADD , YOU THINK!!!!!!! They put me on Ritalin and at first I thought I was doing better, but know I just the creatively but still do nothing with it. I am iller and don't want to talk to anyone person to person. why did I just tell you guys that? I'm sorry to lay that on you but I guess it easier to tell it to strangers than to those you know thank you for your time and guess what I shined my sink and washed the dishes(OVERACHIEVER) he he.