Monday October 19 2009

Well it's Monday again , but unlike others, I don't mind. See I have worked every since I was 13 ,working in tobacco for my grandaddy and to my latest owning an antique shop.

The antique shop didn't do well money wise and it became a real strain on my marriage. I was at the store from 8-6 and by the time I got home I was so tired. Didn't feel like cleaning, cooking or being intimate.

I have always wanted to be a stay at home MOM but God has had other plans. We have had 3 miscarriages since we were married in 2005 the second hurt the worst. I was 5 months pregnant and I started dilating and then my water broke. We were divested, that was the worst feeling that I have ever had. We have moved on since then.

I have never been one to complete anything, I always give up, but since then I have gotten worst. I tried everything to fill the void from shopping to starting my own business. I have made so many mistakes since that January in 2008. I have quit a county job with good pay and benefits and went and started a consignment bussiness with just $1800.00 and then I thought that was not what I wanted so I went to antiques, wich I really loved and still do but, it wasn't worth all the stress of the store and the stress at home. So guess what failed at that too.

Now my husband and I thought we would try me staying at home for a while, I like it alot , I love waking up and having my husbands breakfast cooked and having dinner ready when he gets home. He no longer has to dig through the basket of clean socks to try and find a match. He just opens his top drawer and there they are.

I do get lonely and I miss the store alot. I have always been outgoing , but as the days go by , I am like a hermit. I just want to be left alone alot of days. Blah Blah... I know let me move on.

So I weighed this morning and guess what 197 yes 197 I was a size 10 when I was married, now a beautiful size 18. Grrr. Anyways I ordered Latino Cardio by Dancing With The Stars via Netflix I might as well start trying to loose wieght with you. Nothing to eat so far been up sonce 6 am , cooked my husband something but I didn't eat. I am drinking a cup of coffee now that is healthy right. anyways. I am gonna go until tomorrow and with my ADD there is no telling what I will talk about or what order it will be told, or if will even make since until then....